Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ripped from the Liberian Headlines: Rape-by-Mistake & Flippant Verbosity

From the Analyst ("Liberia's Most Analytical Newspaper")
Jan 23, 2009:

EX-REBEL LEADER DENIES ATROCITIES BUT APOLOGIZE [SIC]
...Says Fighters Mistakenly Raped Women [SIC!!??!!]

Defunct MODEL rebel leader Thomas Nimeley[,] while denying allegations of human rights abuses and expressing pentinence Thursday[,] conceded that his rebels mistakenly raped women.
"My forces mistakenly raped women; I am not saying that there were no atrocities committed. If anyone did something to somebody, I am saying that I am sorry," Mr. Nimeley said.

Ibid., Editorial Page:

TUBMANISM RE-EMERGES IN UNCNSTITUTIONAL [SIC] STYLE: FLIRTS WITH THE CDC IN ANOTHER INGLORIOUS POLITICAL ILLEGITIMACY.

A stark characteristic of primitive political decadence particularly in Liberia posits that any rhetorical verbosity, no matter how flippant and ludicrous, immediately attracts popularity and qualifies one for political office. Thankfully this ancient relic of a shameful past is rapidly evaporating as a new age of enlightenment evolves in Liberia. No more will individuals indulge in frivolous rhetorical irrelevancies and cajole the ordinary ear into a fictive claim to substantive public policy knowledge. Devotees of this Stone Age mentality will now be exposed to a rude awakening of a conscious public prepared to scrutinize their mere loquacity under the microscopic telescope of logic and contextual relevance.

(The editorial continues on for seven more paragraphs...)

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